If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. The Trump administration is channeling George Carlin's "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television." It has banned seven words and phrases from the Centers for Disease Control and . They'll get it. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. Well, Reverend, did anyone ever tell you there are two KNOBS on the radio? We are on a nice downward glide. 50 The Alchemist Quotes To Make You Follow Your Dreams, 195 Best Cobra Kai Quotes (Seasons 1 5), 70 Attack On Titan Quotes That Will Inspire Greatness, 37 The Lion King Quotes Filled With Powerful Life Lessons, Your email address will not be published. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. He was also known for his outspoken views on government and politics. Little kids would be afraid of "the boogieperson". If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. (12), We're not satisfied with forcing Russia to destroy its nuclear weapons and recant its ideology. It's interested in its own power, THAT'S THE ONLY THING, keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. Pretty neat deal, huh? But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. George Carlin, 14. So I say live and let live. That kind of shit is very limiting for this brain we have. Here's what happened: I give you my revised list of the Two Commandments: "Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie", and "thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than the one you pray to". not understanding that George Carlin was the type of person to roast one side, and when the other side started cheering he would turn and . They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? Were gonna save the fuckin planet? Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. But, when it comes to changing the language, I think they [feminists] make some good points, because we do think in language, and so the quality of our thoughts and ideas could only be as good as the quality of our language. He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . BAM! Theyre always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. You might have noticed that I never complain about politicians. The planet is fine. And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. You dont see a chicken strapping some guy to a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, 65. Well he was an honest guy ya know, he wasn't gonna bullshit a 4-year-old. Share your thoughts in the comments below! And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. In America, anyone can become president. If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air. George Carlin, 54. Keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. Not a word. 23. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. They should be giving their money to you. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. Contents 1 Quotes 1.1 FM & AM (1972) No nothing. People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. What do you say? And the people said "You know something? Were goin away. I like people who buck the system. It creates a hostile work environment." Doesn't happen 'cause chickens are decent people. It creates a hostile work environment. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. Think of the intellect it must take to derive pleasure from this activity: Hitting a ball with a crooked stickand walking after it! 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. 1. The government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. Amen and Awomen. Dead. That's what I say. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. They don't mention anything about cursing a lack of candles. Who the fuck is going to invade the US? Guy with a fuckin' pipe! Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Did you ever stop to think about all the people we kill? When are they gonna outlaw this shit? You're reading a nice story, and suddenly the writer has to stop and describe the clouds. You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away? What? I dont have pet peeves. And we wont leave much of a trace. Don't let my beard become entangled in the gears of a transcontinental bus. We think in language. George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. Is that such a strange notion. Where would we be without our safe, familiar, American bullshit? A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! Its never just a game when youre winning. George Carlin, 7. You ever watch golf on television? The actual author of this quote is Roger J. Corless, from his book "The Vision of Buddhism: the Space Under the Tree". Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images, Seth Meyers White House Correspondents' Dinner Speech, Dan Quayle Funny Quotes and Misstatements, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, France Jokes and Funny Quotes About France, Bidenisms: Funniest Joe Biden Quotes and Gaffes, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Were so self-important. When youre born in America, you get a front-row seat. The sword of god, the blood of the lamb, 'vengeance is mine'; millions of dead motherfuckers. ", So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. That was the time I said to a woman, "I hope you get a blister on your cunt.' Below youll find the best collection of George Carlin quotes. Some people don't want you to mention certain things. This is what we have to offer. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. The people are fucked! 28. Here's some bumper stickers I'd like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. That's generally been true. BAD WORDS." Several reasons. You know the best thing about necrophilia? A new two-minute spot from Pattern Integrity Films features a famous rant from the late comic George Carlin set against a devastating set of images of Donald Trump's America. Everyone's at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. And do people really watch this shit? I can't follow the logic on that one at all! Were so self-important. You have no choice. 48. Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. Sleepy was into reds. He'd say, "I'm goin' upstairs and fuck your grandmother." Don't give your money to the church. No contest! I gave up on my countrymen. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. Not so youd really notice it of course; just kinda on paper. Didn't need any help on that ladder. Shit, white people ought to understand their job is to give people the blues, not to get them and certainly not to sing or play them. The government doesnt care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. Who said so? After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! Thats the problem. (p. 237), Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Ephraim Zimbalist Jr. (243). Huh? You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist, theres another thing; the only blacks youll find at country clubs are carrying trays. And there's no shortage of volunteers; everyone complains about politicians. "Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails." ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin. And the supreme arrogance? What a ratio that is: 399,993 to 7. And now, ladies and gentlemen, that we've enjoyed some good times this evening, and enjoyed some laughter together, I feel it is my obligation to remind you of some of the negative, depressing, dangerous, life-threatening things that life is really all about; things you have not been thinking about tonight, but which will be waiting for you as soon as you leave the theater or as soon as you turn off your television sets. This is my list: guys in their fifties named "Skip." It will be coincidental. Help me also to find a nymphomaniac coke connection who owns a Ferrari dealership. I never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked 5 twos! Edited by Liz O. Baylen and Mike Benoist. And a mindless game, too. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. Catholic kids are stupid; they don't know how to handle a pedophile priest.
Austin Butler Wizards Of Waverly Place,
Brown And Serve Rolls In Air Fryer,
Buod Ng Teleseryeng The General's Daughter,
Has Notifications Silenced Imessage,
Articles G